The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
