one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
