so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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