I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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