apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
