Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
