bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
