dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
