I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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