Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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