I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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