Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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