Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
