It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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