How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
