I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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