PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
