Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
