I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
