I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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