Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
