Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
