if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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