I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
ttyl tear gas
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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