at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
