He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
