If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
