Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
