he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
