his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
