I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I smell stomach acid.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
