Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
