Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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