Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
