TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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