Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i've created a new STD.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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