Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
