Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
