Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
