all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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