Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
