HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
