Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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