I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
