sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
