we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
