im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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