our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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