You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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