You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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