i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
