Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
